Real life doesn’t pause when the workday begins, and sometimes the weight people are carrying can be heavier than we realize.

Around the world, the United Nations marks November 25 as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. Globally, nearly 1 in 3 women experience domestic or intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Domestic violence isn’t limited to women; people of all genders and relationship structures can be affected. For many survivors, work becomes a pocket of stability, normalcy, or escape. It can also be a space where someone feels valued, supported, and part of a wider community. Most importantly, income from work gives survivors the means to support themselves and to make independent choices. 

​​Many survivors don’t disclose what’s happening at home; they may fear retaliation from their abuser or worry about their job security or how they’ll be perceived. And for some, past experiences with workplaces or other institutions make it hard to trust that the conversation will be handled with care and confidentiality.

When you work in HR or lead a team, people may bring some of the hardest parts of their lives to you. If someone discloses violence at home, stalking, or other abuse, they're showing you deep trust. Responding with care, nuance, and support is essential to honouring that trust and, more importantly, helping them stay safe. Here’s how to navigate the conversation, along with a few ideas to make survivors feel safer about speaking up in the future.

Note: This guide is written for workplace leaders, including people managers and HR professionals. It is not a guide for survivors navigating abuse. If you are experiencing domestic violence, please see the resources at the bottom or call 911 in an emergency. If you are a colleague, encourage the person to reach out to HR or a trusted leader who can discreetly put accommodations in place.

Listen actively, communicate safely.

If someone on your team has approached you about violence at home, creating psychological safety in that conversation is your first priority. Thank them for trusting you enough to share, listen without judgment, let them lead the conversation, and ask what they need to feel safe and supported. Active listening (slowing down, asking gentle questions, and letting silence do some of the work) can help keep the conversation open. It may help to reassure them up front that you believe them, you will protect their privacy, and that you’ll do your best to find them resources, supports and accommodations that may help in their unique situation.

If you're speaking over the phone or virtually, and are concerned about their immediate safety or privacy, start with questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”, like “Do you feel safe to speak openly right now?” or “Would you like me to call (resource) on your behalf?”

Know the limits of your role. 

Your job isn’t to solve the situation or tell someone what to do. Avoid giving personal or legal advice, offering opinions about the abuser, sharing your own experiences, or questioning their choices. Domestic violence is complex, and these reactions can make it harder for someone to trust you as a safe space or to reach out again.

Avoid pressuring them to leave, to call the police, or to accept any particular support or resource that you offer. Unless you are asked to, have a legal duty to report, or someone is in immediate danger, do not contact the authorities or report on their behalf. It’s counterintuitive, but you may be jeopardizing their safety, as well as their autonomy. 

Your role here is not to act as a social worker, police officer or therapist; it’s to offer a compassionate ear, provide options, and ultimately, to focus on making work (your zone of control here) feel safer. Ask for permission before taking any steps, and offer choices rather than directives. However, it’s okay to be human, to express that you’re concerned for their safety and wellbeing, and to show care and support for someone going through a difficult time. 

Share resources.

If they’re open to help, explore what resources are immediately available. A few places to start:

• Your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) may offer personal crisis counselling, referral to relevant services, legal counselling, immigration challenges, and more. These services are usually confidential.
• Your health benefits may cover services for psychotherapy and other medical supports. 
• Local domestic violence hotlines, shelters, cultural advocacy groups and crisis services (see resource list below)

Offer at-work supports and accommodations.

Beyond seeking outside help, explore how you might adjust their work experience to support them and their safety. Keeping their needs, choices and autonomy in mind, here are some ideas you might suggest. 

An adjusted schedule, or temporary relief of their workload. It’s tough to stick to a regular schedule if you’re navigating trauma, and allowing someone to change their routine may be a key tactic in keeping them safe. Note that for many survivors, work is a place of normalcy and their source of income; do not force a leave or a reduced workload that impacts their pay.

Paid time off or top-ups for domestic violence leave. Many provinces and states have policies on paid or unpaid leaves of absence for survivors that protect their job status. Look up which domestic violence leave policies apply in your region. (In Ontario, for example, Domestic or Sexual Violence Leave is protected under the Employment Standards Act). If it doesn’t exist, or doesn’t cover their full income, consider offering paid time off, within specific time boundaries, if they need it. Moving logistics, court dates, childcare, counselling and other appointments can take up time and space as someone rebuilds, and knowing work (and pay) is there for them makes a world of difference. 

Protection onsite. If possible, and helpful, allow the survivor to work remotely. Showing up at the same place daily can be a problem for someone experiencing stalking or escaping domestic violence. A coworking pass with multiple location options (e.g., WorkSimply, Flexday) is a good option to rotate locations and make it harder for the abuser to find them. If the survivor has a role requiring them to be onsite and is concerned about safety, consider putting temporary, discreet security measures in place. These could include a safety plan to walk someone to their car, a plan for if an abuser shows up, or privately alerting/hiring building security. 

Removing public information. Removing them from the company directory information (email, phone, emergency contact), and removing their photo or name from public-facing websites can be helpful with safety.

Providing support with changing payroll banking information, especially if finances are shared with the abuser. Financial independence is an important part of giving survivors confidence that they can leave on their terms. 

Providing new equipment or accounts. Technology safety can also be important. Abusers sometimes monitor phones, computers, shared accounts, or even location settings. If it feels helpful and safe for them, you can offer support such as providing a new work device, helping separate personal and work accounts, or connecting them with IT to update passwords or privacy settings. Always ask what feels safest before making any changes, since a sudden shift in their technology use could increase risk.

Take privacy seriously.

When it comes to protecting survivors, privacy and confidentiality are non-negotiable. When someone shares harm, how you hold that information determines whether they feel supported or exposed. It can also be a matter of safety. If abusers discover that a survivor has told someone, reached out for help, or is making a plan to escape, it could put their safety seriously at risk.

Some guiding principles:

• Ask how they want to be contacted, and if there are any times, locations or spaces where it is unsafe to message them.
• Ask if using neutral communication or avoiding certain phrases on calls, messages, or emails would be helpful. 
• Store any documentation securely and separately from their regular employee file.
• Only share information on a strictly need-to-know basis. No one needs the full story to provide accommodations. 
• Reassure anyone disclosing violence that information will only be shared on a need to know basis, and that any actions will only be taken with their permission.
• If you do have a duty to report an unsafe situation (see your local laws), explain that duty clearly and compassionately. 
• When communicating with the team about any changes, keep the tone neutral.
  “Samantha is taking some personal leave. The coverage plan is below”

Check in.

Healing and decision-making take time. Some survivors may leave and return multiple times. Others may stay for reasons related to finances, safety, immigration, childcare, or cultural expectations.

Keep the door open. Try “Is it okay if I check in next week?” or “Would you prefer that I check in occasionally, or should I wait for you to come to me?”.

If they decline help, respect that. If they feel heard and treated with compassion, they may return when they’re ready. 

A note on cultural considerations.

Culture shapes how people understand privacy, safety, and family. Survivors from different backgrounds may face additional barriers to speaking up or seeking help. Keeping this in mind helps us respond with care and inclusion.

Keep in mind:

• Some cultures see family matters as private, and talking about abuse may feel shameful or risky.
• Some employees may have experienced discrimination from police, social services, or employers, which can make them hesitant to involve outside help.
• Immigrant survivors may worry about immigration or sponsorship consequences if they disclose abuse.
• Language barriers can make it harder to access resources or explain what is happening.
• People from close-knit communities may fear judgment, gossip, or social isolation.
  

As usual: stay curious, avoid assumptions, ask what survivors need, and follow their lead.

Know the signs of domestic violence.

Sometimes, you may suspect that something isn’t right at home, without the employee directly disclosing it themselves. There is no “one way” someone looks when they’re experiencing abuse. But there are signs that may suggest someone needs support.

What to look out for: 

• They seem sad, withdrawn or afraid at work. Their mind seems to be somewhere else when you’re talking to them.
• You’re noticing bruises or their attempts to cover bruises, such as wearing sunglasses indoors or a sweater (even during hot weather).
• They’re missing work often, whether paid or unpaid, and you’re noticing it could be related to an abusive situation.
• Their work has become inconsistent, and you’re noticing mistakes, slow delivery and poor concentration.

If you’re remote or working from home, there may be signs too: 

• They seem nervous when a particular family member is around. 
• They’re “put down” or constantly interrupted by a family member during calls or meetings.
• If you witness these signs or they talk to you about it, they make excuses for a family member’s behaviour. 
• They may use the signal for help.

If you’d like to address a concern, tread gently, and avoid assumptions or direct confrontation. Just check in, and assure them that you’re there.

“I’ve noticed you seem stressed and overwhelmed lately, and I just want to check in. If there’s anything going on that you’d like support with, I’m here.”
“You looked upset after that phone call today. Is there any way I can help?” 

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If they say they’re fine, don’t push: leave the door of safe communication open. Your job isn’t to force them to make a choice; it’s to make it unmistakably safe to come to you when they’re ready for support. 

Revisit your policies.

We highly recommend communicating proactively around how your organization will approach domestic/intimate partner violence disclosures, and the supports and accommodations available. This simple addition to your employee handbook could make a big difference in team members feeling comfortable enough to come forward and get help if they feel unsafe.
Some ideas for what to include:

• Outline who to go to, and what will happen. Explain in clear detail who someone should speak with, and what the conversation might look like. 
• Define privacy rules and confidentiality boundaries. Outline that you’ll communicate with employees as they prefer, and that their information won’t be shared with other team members. 
• Outline internal support and external resources clearly, including shelters, crisis lines and support groups. 
• Clearly outline time-off options, policies, and accommodation ideas available for survivors.

Again, being able to keep a job is a major concern for survivors. Work can be the one safe, stable space that they have, and a steady pay cheque can support survivors if they’re building up funds to leave a bad situation. Outlining specific supports, such as paid leave, accommodations and privacy assurances means that people who need help will be more likely to ask for it, and therefore to stay safer.

If you’re not sure where to start, loop in legal or a trusted HR advisor to help you design something clear and trauma-informed. Once it’s written, don’t just bring it up during onboarding and leave it buried in your employee handbook. Talk about it. Remind your team that support exists year-round in town halls or check-ins.  

A word on being there.

Domestic violence can feel too big or too personal to talk about at work, but silence doesn’t make anyone safer. Every time a workplace treats this as a human issue, not just a private one, it chips away at the stigma that keeps people isolated.

You don’t need a perfect policy, or perfect words, to start. The fact that a policy even exists and is acknowledged is a huge step in making sure survivors know they’re not alone. It shows that you care, listen without judgment, make sure people know that help exists, and know that you are there to support them.

RESOURCES

Canada - National

Government of Canada Family Violence Initiative: ttp://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/initiative-eng.php

Policy Centre for survivors Issues: https://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/cj-jp/survivors-victimes/index.html

https://sheltersafe.ca/: Provides information and a clickable map to help connect women and their children across Canada with the nearest shelter for safety and support.

https://sheltermovers.com: Provides free moving, storage and safe escort services to families fleeing abuse. 

USA - National

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)   1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) 

Victim Hotline: 1-855-4-Victim (855-484-2846)